So, I've been sitting here for a little over an hour trying to figure out what to say...to which my friend simply said, "Say whatever your heart feels needs saying." and then it dawned on me: I am SO beyond grateful and blessed to have the friends I have in my life that I NEED to let them know just how grateful, blessed and eternally thankful I am to know these amazing people.
For a good portion of my life I was shy (Those who do know me, laugh now. They might have a few other things to say about that. haha!) and had a hard time making friends. I was very much a homebody and spent a lot of time at home watching TV or reading, never going out unless it was a church related function. When I did go out it was always awkward, weird and I always felt like I never fit in. When I was about 15 or 16 I started becoming comfortable in my own skin, (with God's help) figuring how what my true personality was, where I wanted to go, who I wanted to be. I began to flourish and open up but I still felt like there was still something missing. I wanted a group of friends who accepted me, loved me, supported me, people who knew me better than I knew myself.
During my late teens and early 20’s I will admit that I was not the friendly, smiley, happy-go-lucky girl you see now. In fact, I was a down-right miserable person who was angry, bitter and hateful. Every time a person I considered a “good friend” they always would end up not speaking to me and I despised a lot of people for that. And then there were other times when I would CLING to someone just because I didn’t want to be alone: “Was it something I did?” “Was it something I said?” “Was it the way I acted?” I would spend hours, days, even months (there was even a couple times when it would be YEARS to be hung up over something/someone) wondering what had gone wrong, and then I realized: It was ME that caused them to leave. I was such a horrible, negative person that they didn’t want to be around me and that sort of energy. Looking back, I can honestly say I would have left me, too. I had to change how I was as a person if I wanted people to be around me, and until I made that change, I would be alone.
Thankfully, with a lot of prayer and many years to reflect, a MASSIVE change was made. And with that, more friendships and people in my life. But there was STILL something missing.
About 2 ½ years ago I met a group of people who absolutely changed my life in so many ways. They all were funny, silly, strange, crazy, out-going, loving, wild and LOUD. They accepted me into their group and me feel like one of them immediately, no questions asked. It took almost no time to make me realize that these were the people/friends I had been looking for (my whole life). I had never felt so comfortable and at ease with a group of people the way I did with them. Some of us became closer than others, and some have broken off almost completely, but I can still say for the first time in my life, I truly felt accepted. I could be who I was and not have to be this way or be that way to suit someone else.
It didn’t matter when I needed them or for what reason I needed them they were just there. Even when they were crazy in their own lives they were there. No questions asked, no judgments. Just helpful, kind, insane, silly, funny, loud, loving and supportive people.
Over the course of the last year I have become extremely close to a couple of people and I can honestly say without a doubt they are some of the most important people in my life and I would not be who I am today without their constant love and support and the occasional tears. I can talk to them literally about anything and everything and all cards are on the table. Including my dark past that even my own family doesn’t know about me. I was truly blessed when these woman came into my life and I feel like I can never really tell them just how much they mean to me.
To my girls: Ladies, you all are the most beautiful, wonderful, kind, caring, compassionate, loving, supportive, incredible, amazing people I have ever know. You are beautiful inside and out and when you smile, the world smiles with you. You all have pasts that could have ruined you. Instead, you chose to push through, come out on top and show people just how strong you all are. There may be days when you feel like you’re alone or that no one cares or that no one understands, or that you don’t matter - let me tell you - you are NOT alone, people DO care, people DO understand and you DO matter. You ladies have shown me support, compassion, trust, truth, kindness and especially love, even in times when I didn’t deserve it, and my life would not be the same without you in it. God truly blessed me when He brought you all into my life and I am eternally grateful for the blessings you have been to me. My heart is full knowing I can call you some of my absolute closest and most amazing friends. I thank you for everything from the very bottom of my heart and know that I truly do love each and every one of you.
People come and go from your life. Sometimes good, sometimes bad...but when you’ve found that certain connection with someone else, life gives you so much more. If you feel like you are alone, you are not. There are people out there in this world that love and care about you. Open up to them and let them help you in ways you didn’t think you needed help.
My friends are stuck with me. Like it or not. ;)
(If anyone feels like they are alone would like to talk, please email me at Jayilynn@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you.)
Love to you all.
The day my sister brought her home. She would spent all day in the corner unless she was asleep, eating or using the bathroom. 
Elsa had a leaf in her mouth only seconds before this picture. I SO wish I had gotten the pic I wanted but my lovely iPhone decided it wasn't going to work. Boo! 
And this picture was taken last night, about two - three weeks from the very last picture posted. You literally could have sworn the dog in this picture was a totally different dog from the one all the way at the top. 
